Graduate From Former Relationships
I was listening to a woman tell her story and she said something that blew my mind! So I revamped it and put it on my Facebook page:
“When a PURPOSEFUL relationship has FULFILLED its purpose, its over! These relationships can last 3 weeks, 6 months, or 25 years! Learn what you were supposed to learn, and move on! It was purposeful, not a forever thing. –Even if they want to ‘go back to the way it was/used to be.’ You can’t! You have learned what you were supposed to, you fulfilled purpose there, and learned your lesson. Now you should move on to mold into what you were created to be.”
I could probably go on and on about this topic. But MAN did it hit me over the head when I heard it. I am a people pleaser. Often times, I sacrifice a lot in order to make sure that the people around me are comfortable. Most especially my friends and family. I aim to make quality time with me pleasant and effortless. When it comes to bad news or even sticking up for myself, I have trouble (so I hold it in –which is obviously NOT GOOD!). Overtime, I know I should not stick around people that make me feel this way, but I have so much trouble letting go and moving on. Mostly, it’s because I don’t want to hurt them (believe it or not) even in situations where they have hurt or offended me.
Moving on for what Purpose?
This can change for any relationship. Some people passed through your live to teach you patience. They show you patience in everything. They do not yell, they teach you through their actions. Some are there to help you through school. There are those friends that hold you accountable with your schoolwork and keep you grounded when you want to give up on your journey to graduation. You may find people that came through your life to enhance your knowledge. They are skilled in what they do. They teach you the art/skill needed to build a business, (like using a computer software or curling hair). You learn that they are a great teacher but besides what they are an expert at; they bear no real good fruit… In every relationship, you both should benefit. For example a working relationship: maybe you are good at delegating tasks and they are good at executing. That’s good. When you get to the place where your business flourishes and you need more, you will have to get new people that can do more or teach you other skills necessary to make the business thrive.
After hearing about this purposeful relationships thing, it clicked! All of this served a purpose! The bible says that we should be happy in our times of suffering because it builds perseverance, character and hope (Romans 5: 3-4). When we get to these moments where we realize that we can no longer keep the company we have been entertaining, or that our current friends have served their purpose, it’s time to let go and move on. Pray for the Lord to guide you as you act obediently. But this is not to say cut off all your friends because they serve you no purpose. No! Not what I’m saying. You must exercise discernment as you examine the relationships in your life. We know that you should know people by their fruit (Matt. 7:18-20). If you know that every time you are with this individual, you magically start gossiping or doing unruly acts, perhaps they aren’t good company. Another example is when you realize that the conversation is dry! When you talk about your passions or your calling, they don’t want to hear it or simply change the topic to a TV show they watched last year or the next place they want to take you out. That stuff is not impressive! They should be teaching you as you teach them. If they aren’t passionate about the things you are passionate about, they should at least show interest. Once you begin to bear fruit and you notice that the people around you are not comfortable with your growth, that’s it! That’s the cue. You have grown out of that relationship; move on!
That’s it?!?!
When you a purpose-fulfilled relationship is expired, this does not always mean that you should cut them off and never see them again. It means that you are no longer operating this relationship in the same capacity. If you called your girlfriend everyday and conversation becomes long gossip chats before, start calling her less often simply to check in and see how she is doing, offer advice when asked, and even pray with her. If it’s a romantic relationship, obviously, it’s scissor season… Chop, chop! No need for further communication with an ex-boyfriend because you may find yourself still ‘kicking it’ with him later, saying, “We’re just friends!” Save yourself the later drama, cut him off. But you can still be {facebook} friends! He can see the life update as you update statuses for the world to see. Be sure not to entertain that DM when he tries to ‘slide’ and see how you doing.
Be mindful that you will never find a perfect friend or man here on earth. You can, however, grow out of people like you grow out of clothes. It’s ok as long as you recognize it and get new ones before you damage the current clothes. We do not want to damage our relationships with these people if we stick around expecting them to be on this new level with us. Recognize that you have outgrown that relationship and you may need to move on in order to learn more. I like to think of it like high school. You cannot stay. It was nice. You learned. But you have to move on to college. You can go back and visit or even be a guest speaker, but you are no longer able to sit in those seats and expect to elevate to the next level. Get around people that are better than you and are who you want to be.
Congratulations! If you are reading this, you are probably soon to be a graduate of some relationship. This could be an old fling you just could not shake or an old friend. Often time we put on our superman hats and just want to save relationships that we have graduated from; It’s time to move on! I pray that the Lord will give you the strength, courage and boldness to make the move.
Happy moving, folks!
Until next post,
-Kence
Photo Credit: My dear friend, Tammy
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