Be Selfish – Mind Yo Business!!

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Mind Your Business

Noone else will mind your business for you!

Pastor Alexa told me to build my dream or get hired to build someone else’s dreams!!

Translation: Build the ‘Kencia’ ((insert your name)) business. If I don’t then who will!?!?

Use Your Time Wisely

Take your time seriously. For example: this business (meaning Kencia’s hour of public operation) shuts down at 10pm! No phone calls after that time or before 10am. I set up a Do Not Disturb setting that actually prevents me from receiving or noticing calls/texts after during this time-frame. It forces me to have some sort of quiet time before I go to bed and when I wake up in the morning. There are days when I make exceptions to the rule and find myself out later than usual or on the phone at that time, but generally I’m closed for business at 10:00pm.

You can’t go to stores before their hours of operation. Same here. Schedule your days. It is imperative to schedule your days using whatever method works best for you. This can be to-do lists or calendars. When you assign tasks to days/times you are much more likely to get it done.

Invest in your business

Get some skin in the game. We’ve got to believe in ourselves like people trust in popular companies (i.e. Amazon or Chick-fil-a). I love how big name companies make their CEOs invest in that company so they have ‘skin in the game.’ They sweat when the company loses and rejoice when they win. Same here!! How can we get skin in the game!? How can youinvest in yourself? Is that by scheduling mini vacations to mediate? Going to school to do that random thing you always wanted to do (e.g. fashion, music, film, MBA)? Or just practicing the art of saying No!!

Just Say NO!

Be bold, stop trying to be nice and just say no. We have to practice the art of listening to our gut! ((Man, oh man, has this been a huge lesson for me!!!)) Say no to people, so you can say yes to yourself. You will never be able to be in two places at the same time. You also will never be able to succeed at your goals if you cannot focus your energy on one task at a time. Although one can multitask, one cannot do two tasks at the very same time. You have got to start with one thing. Focus your energy. Then move on to the next. I loved this post I found on IG: @heyamberrae

sayNo 

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sayNo2

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sayNo4

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Noone can ever invest in you like you. Sometimes we might want people to do for us or give to us but the truth is they won’t always get it right!! You know just how to love you right, the first time. So don’t stretch yourself thin building other people’s dreams. Say no, so you can begin to say yes to your own dreams. 

I hope you were encouraged by this DIME. Slowly build your dreams. Invest in you. Make time for you. And say no to anything that stands in the way of that!!

Until Next Post…

~ Kence

 
 

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Closed Door Blessings

Closed Door Blessings

 
Its not all over when a door in your life is shut! God is working it out for ya!

 

 Until next post…

~ Kence

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Watch Out for the ‘Supporting Haters!’

Beware of the “Supporting Hater”

 We all have them… the ‘supporting haters’ in our midst. They appear to be friends or friendly but it feels like they are out to get you.  Almost like wolves in sheep’s clothing. A few examples can a co-worker that compliments your outfit but then ends up gossiping about your attire to someone else in the office (‘she thinks she’s cute!’ or ‘did you see how tight her dress was?!’). Another example is the friend of yours that should be happy to know you were engaged or having a baby but as she says congratulations, you can’t help but to notice her sour face as if she really isn’t happy for your new achievement.

We all have some sort of ‘supporting’ hater nearby. They don’t always have to be friends but they’re there. Sometimes it’s a complete stranger that comes up to you on an off day and sarcastically says I like your hair, and you know darn well your hair is a hot mess! What do you do? Do you retort and say “I know you think you’re being funny but I know I’m having a bad hair day,” do you ignore? Do you snap back and talk about their downfall(s)? In this post, I want to share biblically supported actions to take when dealing with the supporting haters around you.

Avoid these people

Proverbs 20:19 say: A gossip betrays a confidence; so avoid anyone who talks too much.

Realize that you cannot be heroic! Sometimes only God can save people from the mess that they are in and teach them the lesson. When you recognize the stubborn folks that are hard headed and may never change the bad habit of talking about people, you’ve got to just leave them alone! You may need to see these people in your everyday life. They may be coworkers, or in ministry with you. Best course of action is to not do any extra (unnecessary) activities with them. Steer clear. You won’t get entangled in their dramatic shenanigans if you are only around when you need to be around. Be sure that you set an example when you are around. Above all else we should love our neighbors, even when they don’t seem lovable.

Watch and Pray

Luke 21:36: Be always on the watch, and pray that you may be able to escape all that is about to happen, and that you may be able to stand before the Son of Man.”
Matthew 5:44 But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you

Now that you recognize the people around you that are ‘supporting haters,’ … WATCH OUT! You see that they aren’t necessarily looking out for your best interest but this does not excuse you from the commandment to love them. Now all you need to do is pray for them. Be sure to pray for these people because you can never be sure what they are suffering from. The fruit of gossip or hating is coming from a deeper root. That root can be jealousy, resentment, or even something that stems from childhood that had nothing to do with you. These fruits never grow overnight; they stem from longstanding (sometimes reoccurring) issues in their lives. They must be uprooted, only prayer can do this.

All in all, be compassionate with the supporting haters. There is a reason for their actions that many times you will never know. So watch out for the supporting haters, but continue to love them and pray for them. It seems like it’s easier said than done, but once you genuinely start praying for them, your heart will change toward them and it will get easier to love them from a distance. See them through the eyes of the Lord (lenses of grace and patience). I pray that you all found this helpful. This is a lesson that I am constantly walking through and praying for the Lord’s guidance. I pray that even as these supporting haters come, you will easily be able to recognize them and you will not be fooled by their tactics that will drive you to anger or other sins. Know who you are! You are a child of the Most High, you do not need anyone’s approval but Him.

 

Until next post…

  • Kence

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Balling on a Budget

The Cheap Woman with a Lexus

This is what my sinking fund envelops look like

                                                        {This is what my sinking fund envelops look like}

I wanted to address this balling on a budget matter and express what it means to me. So I own a 2012 Lexus ES 350. No lie, that was the worst purchase I ever made. It’s a great car and I haven’t had any major issues with it but I was a silly girl fresh out of school thinking I was a baller.

 I graduated college in 2012 and thought “I can afford $450 payment” so let’s do it! When I purchased the car, I vowed to pay more than the payment so that I could pay it off early… SMH. So I made payments of $800 each and every month, yes I paid it off early but the way the interest was catching up to me, it wasn’t that much earlier (about 1.5 yrs earlier). I like to say that I got the Lexus by being cheap with everything else. That’s a half-truth because I know it was really just me being senseless and having to finish paying for my stupid. Sometime after I lost my job and was without a full-time job for about 2 years, life hit me and I had to figure out this whole money thing and exactly what it meant to be a steward of what the Lord has given me.

The Budget Life

Let me just start by saying budgeting is probably the hardest skill for the first 2-3 months! I struggled, trying not to struggle! I generally operate well under pressure so I had to almost scare myself into it. So I researched statistics on the American struggle. I learned that over 70% of Americans are living paycheck to paycheck (that was definitely me!), most of us don’t think about retirement and just casually save (that was me, again!), and so I knew there needed to be a shift! I continued to read more books and watch educational videos and seminars for finance and learned that if I don’t start now, I won’t be able to tell the Lord, I took what He gave me and doubled it up like the men in the parable of the talents (Matthew 25: 14-30). So I started budgeting… And sure enough, once I put my expenses on paper, I was managing my money better! I have not completely mastered the investing thing, but I am confident that my consistent budgeting will serve me and my family well.

Tips to Start Balling on a Budget

  1. Start! There are so many budgeting apps available on your phone. You can even be a super nerd and do an excel worksheet. I like to use the EveryDollar app and for some major things I use excel so that I can do nerdy calculations, but for the most part, the app works for me.
  2. Ditch the cards and use cash! My ‘uncle’ Dave likes to say, “Cash is King!” He’s not lying! I had a leak somewhere in my car and the people at Lexus told me that it was $1400. Kence 3 years ago would have had a whole heart attack and used a credit card. That day, I had a mini heart attack and went to my car expense envelop and paid cash. No lie, the face on the cashier was priceless. I promise it looked like she thought I had a drug dealing sugar daddy! LOL
  3. Address your Debt. In order to be a good steward over our finances, we must recognize that the borrower is indeed a slave to the lender (Proverbs 22:7). I’m not saying ditch your bills and everyday needs and go crazy to pay all your debt. But budget, get serious, make a plan and pay off your debt!! Free up some of your money by cutting down on the shopping and the indulgences of ‘balling.’ We have got to move to a place where we are not trying to keep up with the Jones’ and really live under our means. I learned that lesson when I was paying $800 on a Lexus that did everything everyone else’s car did! It was definitely an overpriced toy. If I knew what I know now, I would have bought the car cash 4 years later and paid 60% less than what I paid from buying it brand new!
  4. Track Your Expense. The app I use allows me to track how much I spend in different categories. Although I operate in cash, I still track my expenses by having my money in categories. For example, I have a groceries budget of $200 per month. I take out $200 in cash and put it in a grocery envelop. When I remove the money from my bank account, I track it on the app (to show the money is gone) and under the merchant (where I spent the money) I say CASH. I even track the little things. Sometimes, I feel moved to give a donation to the homeless person on the corner, I track it. If I have to swipe my debit card for $0.69 at Walmart because I am short cash, I track that! I’ve learned through weight watchers, if you don’t track it, you are only fooling yourself. If you use the money, track it so you know where/how you spent it!
  5. Recognize your Needs & Wants. Lastly, separate the needs from the wants and prepare for everything! We need food, clothes and shelter. After that, the rest of your money can be spread based on your lifestyle. I will share some of my categories of money. Tithe, saving, rent, groceries, mobile phone, cable/internet, entertainment (audible, apple music), restaurants, gas/oil, transportation, hair/nails, clothing, gifts, debt payments/sinking fund, vacation fund, and pocket money.

My very own tips/tricks:  I am very specific with my categories!! I don’t leave room for surprise purchases. Every month changes but by now, I am pretty good with preparation for all purchases. If I buy concert tickets or pay for a conference, I charge that to the entertainment. I have a gas/oil category and transportation. Generally, just gas goes to gas and any other mini car expense (tolls, car wash, etc.) goes to transportation.

Gifts. I am a gift giver, so I had to make gifts its own category. Some months I one or two birthdays. Other months I have 3 weddings, a baby shower and 5 birthdays. That category can get crazy. So If I don’t use the money from the month before, I save it for the following month (especially in the summer- there seems to be a lot of celebrating!) Also for Christmas, I spread that out over a couple of months, using the gifts fund. I buy thoughtful gifts under my budget, and save the leftover money so that I accumulate for the holiday season or major gifting months.

Travel. I love to travel but recognize that I can’t play rich and swipe for trips! So I save for them. I have a debt fund (AKA Sinking fund). It’s pretty much a multi-purpose fund where I make my own ‘credit card’ for myself. I do not have any credit card or loan debt, in order to keep things that way, I plan for unexpected costs and future travel! If you every start googling or minding other people’s business on social media, you will see some ad about a cheap ticket or getaway. I hated those because I would always want to buy! I found that with this vacation sinking fund, it helps me find the money for last minute sales or my regular travel plans for the year. Each month I contribute a few dollars toward that fund so when the sales come, I go to that envelop and use the cash to make payment.

Unexpected Car Expenses. Same thing goes for car expenses. I plan for the rainy days ahead. I never know when I will need a new tire or something funny breaks under the hood, but generally as the car ages, you can expect that it will happen! So I plan for it. Like that example above, I have to replace a leaking something. I have an unexpected car expense envelop where I prepare for the rain (outside of my emergency fund). I go there when an oil change is not just an oil change and I got to dish out a little more. And of course, when you use the money, you have got to remember to pay it back!! Think of it like a credit card. You want to free up room for use. So if you wipe it clean like I did with that $1400 unexpected expense, the next few months, you should be slowly adding money back there.

 

All in all, Get the budgeting!!  I hope this helps anyone thinking about managing their money better. Just do it! We must be able to account for all that we have and what we did with it. Don’t be the one that sat on your money and did nothing or the one that spent it all on junk! If you like junk, plan for it. Have a junk fund. But don’t spend all your money there. Also, you should also be saving toward having an emergency fund. The Emergency fund is for a true emergency, like losing a job. Anything else, is simply a lack of preparation. Prepare for what you know is coming. I hope you all were encourage to keep your finances in check! Let me know if you have questions you want me to address. I truly have a passion for finances and would love to share what I have learned through the years.

 

 

$tunting!

   $tunting!

 

 

This is my budget envelops that I fill w/ cash every month to spend

This is my budget envelops that I fill w/ cash every month to spend

 

 

Me being a good steward and organizing my financial life!

 

Me being a good steward and organizing my financial life!

The name of the game is telling your money where to go, so you know where it went!

The name of the game is telling your money where to go, so you know where it went!

 

 

Happy Stuffing!!

Happy Stuffing!!

 

Until next post…

~ Kence

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Overcoming Worry While You’re Waiting #WaitingWell

Overcoming Worry While You’re Waiting on Something/Someone

“Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes.”

‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭6:11‬ ‭NIV‬‬

{Ephesians 6: 10-18}

This post is short but really important in our walk as Christians. We must be mindful of the schemes of the enemy and use what we’ve got to overcome them. Using your FULL armor even when it comes to battles you cannot see, like worry. Shoes of peace. Pray for peace of mind as you stand firm with the belt of truth. Use that shield of faith. Don’t let your faith be wavered. Trust in the Lord to fulfill His plan. Continue to do the right thing. Breast plate of righteousness. While keeping your head in the game (helmet of salvation) and using the Word (sword of the Spirit) to combat any lies the enemy has been trying to feed you!

Watch Out for the Scheme

Worry is wavering of faith. Proof that the enemy’s schemes are getting to you. Be confident that the Lord will grant you what He has already planned for you. Worrying wont give you more food, more clothes, or more days to live.

Keep your eyes on the Prize

Worrying keeps your eyes on the thing (that can move/change) instead of the immovable God that already knows the plan! Keep focused. The waiting period seems to be SO long sometimes. It gets hard to hold on to the faith that brought you here. Remember that the Lord will bring you through this period and to that thing you’ve been waiting on.

This post is a live (and breathing) reminder to myself that I want to use to encourage others that when the waiting gets tough… keep waiting. Pray for patience as you endure to the end of this time but the Lord is faithful and He will come through. This is the testing period. This is where the Lord is testing your heart! So keep your heart in check. Make sure your intentions align with the Lord’s Will. Continue to fervently seek the Lord’s face. May the Lord give us strength to keep our eyes on Him so that our faith may not waver as worry tries to sneak in and steal the focus.

Until next post…

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Kence

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Getting Past Pride

How Pride Gets in the Way

I was praying about how to speak about pride and my mind just went blank. Every route I wanted to go, I dint want to make that turn. #Pride My conclusion was pride is a constant struggle and (like love) we should be intentionally trying to work towards humility. This post is simply a reminder that we should not allow pride to get in the way and block our next step toward destiny.

Black Panther movie came out maybe a week or two ago. I decided that I was going to wait for the movie to get released on bootleg or DVD at the nail salon before I would see it because I was not going to the theater alone (on valentine’s weekend). After I kept hearing the hype, I decided that maybe I should go see the movie, but I really don’t want people to know that I had to go to the movies by myself. (Talk about a battle with pride). After much internal turmoil, I determined that the source of my decision was pride and basically a result of keeping up with the Jones’ syndrome (which many of us have a strain of).

Why Pride?

Pride is a good way to hide whatever is really going on that you do not want people to see. We use pride to disguise the real us that we believe will be judged or unaccepted by others. I don’t have a fake relationship but I definitely did not want to highlight my single-ness by going to the movies on my lonesome.

Humble YO-self

The fix for pride is humbling thy self!! It sounds simple but man is it hard to let go of pride and doing that one thing we didn’t want to do!?! I had a friend who was courting a man and he hadn’t called in a few days and she decided that she was not going to call him either! #Pride can make you lose! I offered her this suggestion: “Humble yourself!” It’s not OK to pridefully ignore the situation and act like everything is copasetic, then when he finally calls, you’ll blow up or passive aggressively give him the cold shoulder to make him ‘chase you.’ Ladies, we can’t be foolish! Pride is a fast way to lose the man. Humble yourself and get to the point. Talk about what is really going on.

Journey to Overcoming Pride

Pride is one of those things that people don’t really talk about, they just show it. If they have a lot of it, you can’t expect them to say they are prideful. But as maturing Christians, I believe this is an area we all need constant work on. Start with the small things, apologizing for your wrongs, having tough conversations with people we have offended and even with the ones who offended us that we can’t seem to muster up the energy to talk to (pride) because they should be the ones to approach us! There are countless ways and reasons for our pride. Regardless of how fancy you can make the excuse look, we should suffocate our prideful self and work on strengthening our humble nature.

I pray that the Lord will grant us strength to do this daily as we interact with one another. As we humble ourselves, we will be able to destroy the negative influence pride is having on our families, friendships and relationships. #Amen

Until Next Post….

~ Kence

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Developing the Right “Sis-mance”

Developing the right “Sis-mance”

My cousin 'Black'

My cousin ‘Black’

         How to overcome awkwardness & make Qualified Friends

Happy 2018 Everyone!! I am so excited to be back in action. I have had so many DIMES piling up. This post will discuss overcoming awkwardness and making the right friends.

I know the term Bro-Mance is a term coined to talk about the relationship between two males, so I figured I’d talk about our relationships with other women. I find that I am often really awkward. This may stem from me being self-conscious of how I will be perceived by new people. Regardless, I just get awkward sometimes. #FakeShy I started to pray about this at the beginning of the year to discover why I have this issue and how I can overcome it. I have learned a few things and I just want to share some tips with any of you that may need help overcoming your awkward.

  1. Be at the Right Place

Ladies, lets be clear, just like you may not find a quality man at the club, you will not find a quality friend just anywhere. You’ve got to be at the right place. The other day, I finally decided that it was time for me to go to the pool. (It was my New Year’s thing for 2018) I timidly walked into the pool and this girl was there. She welcomed me and just started helping with my technique. (Look at God!) If I kept avoiding the darn pool, I would have never found a new friends that would help me gain the courage to begin swimming. You can find quality friends anywhere you can find people doing quality activities. Work, church, volunteering, dance classes, etc. When we find these people in quality places that we enjoy being at, we will enjoy their company. Get out there! Your sister to help you in this season is out there doing something that you want to start doing.

  1. Be “On People” (Sou Moun)

Growing up in a Haitian house the term “Sou Moun” (translated directly to English as ‘On people’) describes an individual that can be seen as needy or always seeking attention from people. For example, walking up to new people and asking too many questions or asking for too much. Now-a-days we may say “she’s so extra!” or “That girl is doing too much!” All of these are modern ways of saying someone is sou moun. We were taught to stay in our place and never do too much! Needless to say, this has shaped my personality and is likely the cause to my awkwardness. Haitians would practically embarrass you for being sou moun! So it was evident early on that you should never ‘do too much.’ SMH This is definitely why your girl can easily get fake shy when naturally this is not what my out-of-the-box personality wants to do. The fix here is just be sou moun! Be on people!!! No matter what people (including my parents) have to say, I try so hard to just get out of my head and just walk up to people and talk to them. Operation ignore the shy girl in my head.

  • Be Yourself

Often times, I think we confuse what our parents, peers, and/or society wants us to be for who we really are. Just be you. Unapologetically! It’s important. If you are not living in truth, eventually you will get tired of faking it and you will slip. I can’t be shy for too long, at some point someone will say something that will make me want to jump out of my ‘shy’ self and say something! You can’t make real friends if you show them your fake side (the side you think they will approve of). Eventually they will smell through the fake and know exactly who you are. Be you! They will either hate it or love it. If your worry about how people feel about you cause you to change just to seek their approval or friendship, you’re really just losing yourself to gain a friend. Your hunt to finding a quality friend should include you being a quality person. You are the best quality when you are yourself.

  1. Ditch the Weight

Have you ever had those friends that make you work too hard!?! Its like going to the gym and picking up a 10 lb set of weights because you thought you could handle it. Then after 5 minutes into the workout, you realize that weight might make it hard for you to keep up for the duration of the class. So if you are me, you will ditch it for the 2.5 lb weights and keep it pushing!

Some of our friends are needy! They require too much energy just to keep them happy enough not to ruin everyone else’ day. Its ok to give validation to your friends (iron sharpens iron). But when all you do is pour into them and you aren’t receiving, this is a place of concern. This sisterhood is certainly not healthy. You should always have a friend that can give to you as much as you give. Not saying an eye for an eye, but balance. If your friends love language is acts of service, you should be willingly helping her do things. If your love language is words of affirmation, its fair to find a friend that will compliment you when you got on cute shoes or a new hair do.

All of this is not to replace your man, but in any -ship (relationship, friendship, etc.) this is really the bare minimum. If you hold this standard, you can easily gain quality friends and keep your Sis-Mance poppin’. No one likes losing friends, but if we ensure that we are ourselves ALWAYS, there’s nothing to lose, just plenty of friends to gain.

 

Until next post…

~ Kence

 

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