Developing the Right “Sis-mance”

Developing the right “Sis-mance”

My cousin 'Black'

My cousin ‘Black’

         How to overcome awkwardness & make Qualified Friends

Happy 2018 Everyone!! I am so excited to be back in action. I have had so many DIMES piling up. This post will discuss overcoming awkwardness and making the right friends.

I know the term Bro-Mance is a term coined to talk about the relationship between two males, so I figured I’d talk about our relationships with other women. I find that I am often really awkward. This may stem from me being self-conscious of how I will be perceived by new people. Regardless, I just get awkward sometimes. #FakeShy I started to pray about this at the beginning of the year to discover why I have this issue and how I can overcome it. I have learned a few things and I just want to share some tips with any of you that may need help overcoming your awkward.

  1. Be at the Right Place

Ladies, lets be clear, just like you may not find a quality man at the club, you will not find a quality friend just anywhere. You’ve got to be at the right place. The other day, I finally decided that it was time for me to go to the pool. (It was my New Year’s thing for 2018) I timidly walked into the pool and this girl was there. She welcomed me and just started helping with my technique. (Look at God!) If I kept avoiding the darn pool, I would have never found a new friends that would help me gain the courage to begin swimming. You can find quality friends anywhere you can find people doing quality activities. Work, church, volunteering, dance classes, etc. When we find these people in quality places that we enjoy being at, we will enjoy their company. Get out there! Your sister to help you in this season is out there doing something that you want to start doing.

  1. Be “On People” (Sou Moun)

Growing up in a Haitian house the term “Sou Moun” (translated directly to English as ‘On people’) describes an individual that can be seen as needy or always seeking attention from people. For example, walking up to new people and asking too many questions or asking for too much. Now-a-days we may say “she’s so extra!” or “That girl is doing too much!” All of these are modern ways of saying someone is sou moun. We were taught to stay in our place and never do too much! Needless to say, this has shaped my personality and is likely the cause to my awkwardness. Haitians would practically embarrass you for being sou moun! So it was evident early on that you should never ‘do too much.’ SMH This is definitely why your girl can easily get fake shy when naturally this is not what my out-of-the-box personality wants to do. The fix here is just be sou moun! Be on people!!! No matter what people (including my parents) have to say, I try so hard to just get out of my head and just walk up to people and talk to them. Operation ignore the shy girl in my head.

  • Be Yourself

Often times, I think we confuse what our parents, peers, and/or society wants us to be for who we really are. Just be you. Unapologetically! It’s important. If you are not living in truth, eventually you will get tired of faking it and you will slip. I can’t be shy for too long, at some point someone will say something that will make me want to jump out of my ‘shy’ self and say something! You can’t make real friends if you show them your fake side (the side you think they will approve of). Eventually they will smell through the fake and know exactly who you are. Be you! They will either hate it or love it. If your worry about how people feel about you cause you to change just to seek their approval or friendship, you’re really just losing yourself to gain a friend. Your hunt to finding a quality friend should include you being a quality person. You are the best quality when you are yourself.

  1. Ditch the Weight

Have you ever had those friends that make you work too hard!?! Its like going to the gym and picking up a 10 lb set of weights because you thought you could handle it. Then after 5 minutes into the workout, you realize that weight might make it hard for you to keep up for the duration of the class. So if you are me, you will ditch it for the 2.5 lb weights and keep it pushing!

Some of our friends are needy! They require too much energy just to keep them happy enough not to ruin everyone else’ day. Its ok to give validation to your friends (iron sharpens iron). But when all you do is pour into them and you aren’t receiving, this is a place of concern. This sisterhood is certainly not healthy. You should always have a friend that can give to you as much as you give. Not saying an eye for an eye, but balance. If your friends love language is acts of service, you should be willingly helping her do things. If your love language is words of affirmation, its fair to find a friend that will compliment you when you got on cute shoes or a new hair do.

All of this is not to replace your man, but in any -ship (relationship, friendship, etc.) this is really the bare minimum. If you hold this standard, you can easily gain quality friends and keep your Sis-Mance poppin’. No one likes losing friends, but if we ensure that we are ourselves ALWAYS, there’s nothing to lose, just plenty of friends to gain.

 

Until next post…

~ Kence

 

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